When I was younger, I thought no woman would ever leave me.

 

I mean… why would they?

 

I’d grocery shop, cook, clean, provide—be the perfect boyfriend, the perfect husband.

 

Sounds great, right?

 

Wrong.

 

It’s great… if you’re the other person.

 

But that’s not a relationship.

 

That’s servitude.

 

And the truth is—no one wants to be in a relationship where one person is the servant.

 

Not even the one being served.

 

Because how does someone feel truly loved…

 

if that “love” is just someone waiting on them hand and foot?

 

And how does the giver feel loved…when their value comes only from what they do?

 

Eventually, something breaks.

 

The person being over-served gets bored… or worse, starts to take advantage.

 

And the one over-giving?

 

They feel unseen, unappreciated, and exhausted.

 

Here’s what I had to learn the hard way:

 

Life reflects what we believe about ourselves.

 

If you believe you have to earn love…you’ll find yourself in relationships where you’re constantly trying to prove your worth.

 

And that belief didn’t come from nowhere.

 

It starts when we are young.

 

For me it started when my mom left my sister and me for a few years while she tried to get her life together.

 

That separation hit me hard.

 

And when we came back together, I made a quiet promise to myself:

 

Don’t cause problems.

 

Don’t rock the boat.

 

Do whatever it takes to not be sent away again.

 

My mom could also be unpredictable—loving one moment, explosive the next.

 

So I learned to manage it the only way I knew how:

 

By pleasing.

 

By anticipating.

 

By trying to keep everything calm.

 

And that pattern followed me into my relationships.

 

I was drawn to women with similar energy—because it felt familiar.

 

And I believed if I just gave enough…

 

did enough…

 

was enough…

 

they would never leave.

 

And of course, all of this was unconscious, and it took a lot of digging in myself to uncover this.

 

But love doesn’t work that way.

 

That’s not love.

 

That’s fear dressed up as devotion.

 

Real love has balance.

 

It’s giving and receiving.

 

It’s choosing each other—not needing to overperform to stay.

 

The biggest shift for me came when I spent time alone.

 

I had to learn what I needed.

 

I had to learn how to meet those needs myself.

 

I had to learn how to love me.

 

Because until you can receive love…you’ll keep trying to earn it.

 

So, if you see yourself in this—if you’re someone who over gives, overextends, overcompensates…

 

Hear this:

 

You cannot give enough to make someone love you.

 

And if you have to…

 

that’s not love.

 

Ask for what you need.

 

And if you don’t even know what that is yet—that’s where your work begins.

 

Because love isn’t “give and give.”

 

It’s give and receive.

 

And you deserve both.

 

—Bert