For the last couple of days, the skies have looked hazy.

 

(The photo was taken at 9am on a sunny day with not a cloud in the sky.)

 

At first, I couldn’t figure out why. It looked like it was going to rain all day.

 

 

Then I found out the haze wasn’t rain at all. It was smoke from wildfires in Canada drifting across the Northeast.

 

Someone asked on social media what was happening.

 

As I read through the comments, I noticed something interesting.

 

Very few people answered the question. Instead, some cursed Canada. Others mocked the person asking.

 

“Don’t you watch the news?”

 

Normally, I probably would have been annoyed by all of it.

 

Especially because the air quality meant I couldn’t even go outside and exercise.

 

But this time a different thought came almost immediately.

 

I hope everyone up there is okay.  Maybe I should say a prayer for them.

 

Believe it or not, that’s new for me.

 

So what changed?

 

I think it came from years of learning, reflection, and watching good people.

 

Two people who shaped me were my friends Danny and Rob.

 

I met Danny at a men’s conference while I was going through one of the hardest seasons of my marriage.

 

During a break, when everyone else was enjoying the recreational activities, Danny sat with me for nearly three hours and simply listened.

 

He gave up his free time to help someone he just met who was hurting.

 

About six months later, Danny was in a terrible car accident caused by a drunk driver and was in acoma for months.

 

My friend Rob, who is a pastor, called me and asked if we could pray for Danny.

 

Of course we prayed for Danny.

 

But then Rob prayed for the drunk driver…

 

…and for his family.

 

I’ll never forget that.

 

Until that moment, all I could see was Danny’s suffering.

 

Rob saw a bigger picture.

 

He realized another family had just been shattered too.

 

That perspective changed something in me.

 

Years later, when smoke from another country filled our skies, my mind didn’t go to blame.

It went to compassion.

 

Instead of thinking about what I was losing, I found myself wondering how the people in Canada were doing.

 

That doesn’t make me a better person.

 

It simply means I’ve been fortunate enough to learn from better examples.

 

And that’s why I wanted to share this.

 

Not to tell you how you should think.

 

But to encourage you not to judge yourself if your first reaction isn’t perfect.

 

If we’re going to judge people by their first thoughts, then I would have failed that test for most of my life.

 

I don’t think we’re defined by our first reaction.

 

I think we’re shaped by what we choose to practice.

 

Just as we don’t judge someone for their skin color or their athletic ability, I don’t think we should condemn ourselves because our minds haven’t yet learned a wider perspective.

 

What matters is that we’re willing to grow.

 

I’d love to tell you I’m always thoughtful, kind, and loving.

 

That wouldn’t be true.

 

Most days I still wrestle with worry, insecurity, and fear.

 

But I’m getting better.

 

Not because I’m special.

 

Because I want to become better.

 

So I keep practicing.

 

I keep learning from people whose hearts are bigger than mine.

 

Over time, their perspective becomes a little more like my own.

 

That’s one of the beautiful things about being human.

 

We are not trapped by who we’ve been.

 

We can become who we practice being.

 

I’ve come to believe that fulfillment isn’t found by making life better only for ourselves.

 

It’s found in making life better for everyone we can.

 

So if you’ve ever wondered whether you’re a good person or a bad person, maybe you’re asking the wrong question.

 

A better question is:

 

Who are you becoming?

 

Because our capacity for growth is enormous…

 

and our capacity for love is infinite.

 

Much love,

Bert

P.S. Danny pulled through!!