He was one of the wealthiest clients I ever worked with… and I found out he was having an affair.

 

His health was a mess.

 

Somewhere along the way, in building his success, he picked up a smoking habit… and a drinking habit to go with it.

 

But that wasn’t the whole story.

 

He was brilliant.

Charismatic.

Kind.

And I genuinely liked him.

 

His wife eventually found out about the affair.

Somehow, they managed to put their marriage back together.

 

But there was one question he couldn’t shake:

 

What was it about this woman that had such a hold on him?

 

How could someone as intelligent as him be so easily pulled in?

 

What made it even more painful…

 

His wife knew this woman. Trusted her.

 

They had even helped her financially.

 

The betrayal cut deep.

 

He didn’t hire me to fix his marriage.

 

He hired me because he knew something else was at stake:

 

His life.

 

After 35 years of building his career, he could see the direction he was heading.

 

And if nothing changed… he wouldn’t live long enough to enjoy what he built.

 

Over time, he opened up about the affair.

 

At one point, he told me he wanted to see her again.

 

“Just once more,” he said.

 

He needed to understand how he got pulled in like that.

 

Maybe that was true.

 

Maybe part of him just wanted to feel it again.

 

I told him not to do it.

 

He did it anyway.

 

And that decision ended his marriage for good.

 

Months later, we talked about it again.

 

I still wanted to help him. Not just physically—but to see this clearly and be free.

 

So, we did a little coaching and I asked him something simple:

 

“What did you actually do with your affair partner that felt so good?”

 

He thought about it.

 

“We shopped… we drank… we smoked… we went out… It was fun!”

 

I said,

 

“Exactly.”

 

Then I told him something he didn't expect.

 

“That woman didn’t love you.”

 

He looked at me, confused.

 

“Why would you say that?”

 

I said:

 

“You’re 80 pounds overweight.

You’re smoking.

You’re drinking in a way that’s going to cost you your life.

And she joins you in it.”

 

Then I asked:

 

“What did your wife do?”

 

“She tried to help me.”

 

That’s when it started to land.

 

Love isn’t just about feeling good in the moment.

 

It’s about caring enough to not stand by while someone destroys themselves.

 

Slowly, he began to see it.

 

The affair wasn’t really about her.

 

It was about a void.

 

He wanted to feel wanted.

 

Desired.

Alive.

 

The tragedy was…

 

He already was.

 

He just couldn’t see it.

 

A few years later, he passed away from cancer.

 

That one hit me hard.

 

Because somewhere along the way, he wasn’t just a client anymore.

 

He became a friend.

 

And I still miss him.

 

But there’s something deeper in all of this.

 

It’s easy to look at a story like his and think,

 

“How could he be so foolish?”

 

But if we’re honest…

 

We all do this.

 

We put people on pedestals.

 

Or we put ourselves beneath them.

 

Even in my relationship with him, I felt it.

 

He was a powerful CEO.

 

Highly educated. Successful.

 

And me?

 

Just a coach and trainer… at least that’s how

 

I saw it at times.

 

There were moments I hesitated to speak up.

 

Who was I to challenge him?

 

But that thinking… It's a trap.

 

One of my teachers says:

 

“Don’t put people on pedestals… or in pits. Put them in your heart.”

 

And to do that, we have to know something deeply:

 

No one is above you.

 

And no one is beneath you.

 

When we truly understand that…

 

We stop chasing validation in the wrong places.

 

We stop confusing attention with love.

 

We stop betraying ourselves—and others.

 

If you’re struggling with feelings for someone…

especially in a situation that doesn’t feel aligned…

 

Pause and ask yourself:

 

Is this love… or is this filling a void?

 

Life becomes a lot clearer—and a lot more peaceful—

 

when we remember that every single one of us…

 

including you…

 

is worthy of real love and real respect.

 

If this touched you, hit reply.

 

And if you need help, reach out.

 

Much love,

Bert