I’m noticing something about relationships today.

 

Men and women—and even boys and girls—are interacting differently than they used to.

 

Some people call it hookup culture.

 

Others say a growing number of people aren’t dating at all.

 

So what’s going on?

 

I don’t think relationships are in trouble.

 

I think they’re repositioning.

 

The old way of doing relationships clearly wasn’t working very well.

 

If it were, the divorce rate wouldn’t be so high.

 

Today, fewer people are getting married, and fewer people are even entering relationships in the first place.

 

That doesn’t mean people don’t want connection.

 

It means they’re disillusioned with how it’s been done.

 

Here’s something we don’t talk about enough:

 

Most of us get very little training in relationships.

 

We learn by watching our parents.

 

And if their relationship was unhealthy—or absent—we’re left without a real map.

 

We’re expected to somehow “figure it out” without ever being taught how.

 

And here’s a hard truth that might help explain a lot:

 

Really good relationships elude many people because they’re chasing a fantasy.

 

To be fair, society sells that fantasy constantly—romance, intensity, chemistry, drama, sex.

 

But fantasy can’t substitute for what is actually fulfilling.

 

Let me share a story that may shed light on this.

 

There were two dating shows in England.

One was similar to The Bachelor—lots of chemistry, attraction, drama, and emotional highs.

 

The other matched couples based on values, personality tests, communication styles, and long-term compatibility.

 

When the shows ended, the results were striking.

 

The “Bachelor-style” show had about a 2% success rate—meaning those couples stayed together and were fulfilled a year or more later.

 

Only 1 out of 20 stayed together.

 

The values-based show had nearly a 90% success rate—those couples stayed together and were happy. 18 out of 20 stayed together.

 

Here’s the real interesting part.

 

The dramatic show had massive viewership—something like 87% of people watched it.

 

The values-based show?

 

Around 10%.

 

What does that tell us?

 

It tells us that healthy relationships are probably not dramatic enough for people of today to watch.

 

Because people are often more attracted to drama than to depth.

 

But a real relationship is built on communication, shared values, care, and effort.

 

It’s not that different from a deep friendship.

 

It may not look impressive from the outside—but it means everything to the two people inside it.

 

True love isn’t meant to be endlessly stimulating or exciting.

 

It’s two people who genuinely want the best for each other.

 

I believe what’s happening right now is a kind of detox.

 

We’re slowly letting go of an old way of relating that doesn’t satisfy the soul.

 

And we’ll be forced—eventually—to find a new way, because fake connections and manufactured drama don’t work.

 

So why am I—the “divorce guy”—talking about what makes a good relationship?

 

Fair question.

 

My mom was married five times. I came from her fourth marriage.

 

That meant a lot of instability, neglect, and dysfunction growing up.

 

And interestingly, when I was a kid, I didn’t dream of being a superhero or a baseball player.

 

I wanted something very simple.

 

I wanted a family and to be a good partner.

 

That desire led me to study relationships deeply.

 

And what I’ve learned is this: the information is out there.

 

Healthy, loving relationships are possible—but like anything meaningful, they require work.

 

If I don’t pick up the dumbbells, I won't get stronger.

 

And if I don’t learn how to be in a relationship, I won’t get better at one.

 

Relationships work if we work them.

 

And they matter more than almost anything else.

 

They shape our children.

 

They give meaning to our days.

 

When our lives come to an end, we won’t be thinking about shallow thrills—we’ll be thinking about who we loved, who we shared life with, and how deeply we connected.

 

Shallowness doesn’t fulfill us.

 

And we can do better.

 

Here’s a song that may give a glimpse into what I’m sharing here.

 

The book of love is long and boring, but it is everything.

 

Enjoy!

 

 

I’m wishing you real, loving relationships so reach out if you need help.

 

Don’t give up.

 

Bert