Here's a real love story for Valentine’s Day.

 

They were having marital problems.

 

He wanted to save money.

 

She wanted to spend it.

 

Someone recommended me to them, and I think they both trusted me because they could tell I didn’t have an agenda.

 

I didn’t.

 

I was simply trying to help them communicate and get to the bottom of what they each truly wanted.

 

Nothing was wrong with either of their needs—except that they had lost balance.

 

They were overextended financially.

 

No retirement savings.

No college fund.

 

She had also just taken a lower-paying job because of stress.

 

She wasn’t being difficult.

 

It was hard for her to see why she should hold back on experiences with her kids and family—experiences that required money.

 

If I remember correctly, she even called her husband a “fun buster.”

 

I listened to both sides, genuinely intent on helping them get on the same page.

 

I shared how important it is to work together, and that none of this struggle was happening without purpose.

 

Just then the following story came to mind and I shared it.

 

There was an experiment with monkeys—

happy monkeys and depressed monkeys, or as I like to call them, “fun monkeys” and “fun-buster monkeys.”

 

The researchers thought the happy monkeys would thrive without the depressed ones, so they separated them.

 

Six months later, one group died.

 

Which group do you think it was?

 

You’d assume the depressed monkeys died of sadness.

 

But it was actually the happy monkeys. Why?

 

Being happy all the time sounds great—but it can get you into trouble.

 

Not true happiness, but the endless chase for thrills: buying things you don’t need, drinking too much, promiscuity, drugs, constant partying.

 

I once heard a coach say that fun and funeral share the same root word.

 

The so-called “depressed” monkeys brought balance.

 

And the happy monkeys brought lightness.

 

Each needed the other.

 

That’s what I showed this couple: both of them were essential to the relationship.

 

If the husband saves endlessly and never lives, how is that a well-lived life?

 

If the wife spends without restraint and creates financial stress, what kind of life is that?

 

Their work wasn’t to decide who was right—it was to discern together.

 

To ask: What serves the greatest good of us, our family, and our future?

 

When couples truly listen to each other with respect and a shared purpose, the sky really is the limit.

 

We celebrate love on Valentine’s Day and it’s important but most talk of love is so shallow.

 

True love is listening, understanding, communication, appreciation and working together.

 

And when you experience that you can’t look away from it: it fills the soul.

 

This couple learned to hear each other. And I could feel the love in the room.

 

So if you’re struggling to understand someone in your life, take a step back and ask how they might be helping you rebalance or grow.

 

A little appreciation and insight into another person’s perspective goes a long way.

 

Sometimes the answer to a problem you’ve been living with for years will finally reveal itself.

 

It really is quite amazing.

 

When we love the people in our lives for who they are, they become who we love. Dr. John Demartini

 

So give that monkey in your life a hug.

 

Happy Valentine’s Day!❤️

 

Much true love,

 

Bert