I was driving with a young man I’m coaching the other day—he’s working hard to prepare himself for a healthy relationship.

 

He’s responsible, he’s been through a lot, and he genuinely wants to build a good life with someone.

 

He told me he’d started reading the relationship book I assigned him, but left it on his car seat.

 

His friends saw it and started making fun of him.

 

I asked, “Okay… what kind of relationships are they in?”

 

He laughed. “One got a girl pregnant and says he’d never marry her if she wasn’t pregnant. The other just hooks up—he’s never had a real partner.”

 

I smiled and said, “Yeah, I probably wouldn’t take relationship advice from either of them.”

 

As we kept driving, I looked at the cars and buildings around us and asked him, “Do you think any of this was built without a plan?

 

Did someone just toss metal and wood together and magically make a car or house?”

 

He said, “No, of course not.”

 

“Exactly,” I told him.

 

“We plan everything—roads, finances, careers.

 

And yet the most important part of our lives—our relationships—we leave completely to chance.”

 

And that’s why I’m writing this.

 

Relationships aren’t just emotional— they affect your health.

 

Most people don’t realize this, but a great relationship can literally increase your life expectancy.

 

And an unhealthy one?

 

It can take seven to ten years off your life.

 

Think about that for a second.

 

Your relationship can literally add or subtract a decade from your life.

 

And here’s the wild part:

 

Most of us were never taught how to choose a partner, how to communicate, or even what marriage is supposed to be.

 

I get it—I wasn’t taught either.

 

My mom was married five times. None of the fathers stayed.

 

My family struggled deeply because of broken relationships.

 

It shaped me. It taught me what happens when relationships aren’t understood, valued, or planned for.

 

I was lucky to make it through that childhood and become the man I am today—one who now teaches these very lessons.

 

Why we need to talk about marriage and relationships

 

When I was deciding whether to get married, I asked everyone I knew, “Why get married?”

 

Almost nobody had a clear answer.

 

Even today, most married people can’t explain it.

 

And that’s insane, considering it’s one of the biggest commitments of our lives.

 

Marriage can be wonderful.

 

Relationships can be beautiful places where you learn who you are and what it means to truly love someone.

 

But they aren’t for the faint of heart.

 

Marriage is for grown-ups.

 

It requires giving more than you take.

 

It requires being all in.

 

It only works when you know who you are and choose someone who aligns with your values.

 

And because we learn about relationships from our parents—who may not have had the tools or awareness themselves—the cycle repeats.

 

No wonder the divorce rate is so high AND it doesn't have to be.

 

So what does all of this have to do with your health?

 

If your relationship is stressful, disconnected, or unhealthy, your body pays the price.

 

Stress hormones, poor sleep, anxiety, lack of support—it all adds up.

 

And even being married doesn’t mean you’re in a healthy marriage.

 

It’s a lot to take in, I know.

 

But here’s the hopeful part: there are answers.

 

You can have a healthy, loving, long-lasting relationship.

 

Like anything worth having, it takes humility and work. But it is absolutely doable.

 

If you’re looking for a partner and want to do it wisely, I can help.

 

If you’re in a relationship and want to make it better, I can help with that too.

(Schedule a complementary call to find our how.)

 

And if you take nothing else from this message, let it be this:

 

Your relationships matter more than you realize. They shape your health, your future, and the legacy you leave.

 

On your very last day, you won’t ask to go back to the office.

 

You’ll want to say goodbye—and thank you—to the people you love.

 

So let's learn to love well!

 

If you’d like to join my new coaching group in the new year where we will learn all of this along with being physically healthy, just reply to this.

 

Wishing you all the best,

 

Bert