My son and I recently started weight training together.

 

We’ve been doing free weights, compound movements, and he’s getting stronger.

 

But I caught myself doing something.

 

I was helping him too much when I spotted him.

 

Finally he yelled at me:

 

“Get your hands off the bar.”

 

“Stop helping me so much.”

 

I’ll be honest, it annoyed me a little that he snapped at me like that.

 

But deep down, I knew he was right.

 

And it made me ask myself:

 

Why was I helping him so much?

 

Then it hit me.

 

Because I didn’t want him to struggle.

 

I didn’t want him to get hurt.

 

Isn’t that crazy?

 

I literally have him in the gym to get stronger, yet part of me still wanted to protect him from discomfort.

 

I don’t usually do that with clients or people I train.

 

But he’s my son.

 

And that’s why I’m sharing this.

 

Because I see this same phenomenon all the time with clients, parents, and the young people I do life coaching with.

 

Parents will bring me their kids because they want them to become more responsible, disciplined, organized, confident, or mentally stronger.

 

But many times, while we’re doing the work, they’re still spotting their children too much.

 

Not in the weight room.

 

Financially.
Emotionally.
Spiritually.

 

You see, in order for someone to grow, they have to be challenged.

 

They have to carry weight.

 

They have to struggle with something long enough to become stronger because of it.

 

It reminds me of the story about the scientist and the butterfly.

 

A scientist studied caterpillars as they transformed into butterflies.

 

One day, while watching a butterfly struggle to emerge from its cocoon, he decided to help.

 

He carefully cut a small slit in the side of the cocoon so the butterfly could come out easier.

 

The butterfly emerged.

 

But when it tried to flap its wings, it fell over.

 

Eventually, it died.

 

The struggle to break free from the cocoon was what forced fluid into the wings and developed the strength needed to fly.

 

Without the struggle, the butterfly never developed the strength for the life it was meant to live.

And so it is with us.

 

I understand how hard it is to watch the people we love struggle.

 

You can see from my story that I struggle with this too.

 

But if we don’t let people struggle, they won’t become stronger.

 

And they won’t learn they can stand on their own.

 

Our children may not thank us for this in the moment.

 

But one day they will.

 

I think the hard question is:

 

When do you help, and when do you let go?

 

That takes wisdom.
Reflection.
Sometimes even outside help.

 

And it takes PRACTICE for each of us to set an example of someone who faces our own struggles. (Yes this isn’t just for young people we need to live this!)

 

Because most of the time, the struggle is the training.

 

I’ve shared before that many young people raised in difficult environments often become more resilient, resourceful, and appreciative than children who were given everything.

 

That doesn’t mean hardship is good.

 

It means overprotection usually weakens people.

 

I also think this is why we need each other.

 

Sometimes other people can help us do what’s emotionally difficult to do with our own children and OURSELVES.

 

I’ve been privileged to walk alongside families and clients who trusted me enough to help them achieve their goals, hold boundaries, expect more, and stop rescuing quite so much.

 

That’s part of what people mean when they say it takes a village to raise a child.

 

And why coaching and mentoring is so important.

 

So if there’s someone in your life you may be spotting too much…

 

Or if you feel like you have a goal and you are spotting yourself too much…

 

Make sure there’s the right weight on the bar.

 

Then let go.

 

It will surprise you what strength comes forth.

 

And if you need help, reach out.

 

Many times the strongest thing we can do…

 

is to face our own challenges and let someone struggle.

 

Much love,

 

Bert