Infidelity 

 

I’ve had a lot of training in helping people through infidelity.  

 

It's a cave that I would like to keep people from falling in because of the harm it causes and the length of time it takes to get out.

 

Some people never escape the cave of infidelity and end up passing on the hurt caused or repeating patterns of hurt to themselves and others.

 

It’s something which happens more frequently than it should and yet most people don’t want to talk about it.  

 

It’s also something that will destroy both the unfaithful and betrayed lives.  

 

It also destroys families, friends and the community. 

 

So I wanted to shine a light on it here because I believe it can really help someone who may consider this route and simply didn’t know better. 

 

I know that was the way it was for me.  

 

No one ever told me to not get involved with someone who was dating someone else or worst…who is married.

 

And if they did: they didn’t explain it in a way that really stayed with me.  

 

They didn’t share how these things happen subtly and what to look out for and how to remove yourself from the situation.  

 

They also didn’t share how infidelity will affect someone for the rest of their life no matter what part they played. (I will expand more on this in another blog post)

 

Over 30 years of training and coaching I have heard many stories.  Some were my clients and some I had my own experiences with.  

 

One of these, was when a client who was married, would proposition me constantly when I was young.  

 

She really came on strong and I was working with her so it was hard to get away.  

 

Luckily nothing happened but it almost did because I crossed a line and went to her house one day after my last client.  

 

She had a family and it scares me how close we came to destroying our lives.  

 

There was her story and mine. 

 

Her’s: 

insecure 

too much time on her hands

no real purpose

looking for attention.  

 

Her childhood was also troubled.  (This doesn’t need to be poverty or abuse because neglect can happen in so many ways) 

 

Me: 

Insecure

Naïve

Pleaser

more worried about money than a lot of things

not being able to draw up boundaries.  

 

My childhood was also very troubled and abuse was all throughout it.

 

Again, Infidelity doesn’t mean that someone had some horrible childhood but usually infidelity was modeled by someone. 

 

 A lot of research states that there is a genetic component to it.

 

I’ve been lucky because something inside of me has guided me away from bad situations and that’s what happened here.  I was very fortunate.    But that’s not the case for many people. 

 

Affairs are enticing because they give the person a huge thrill.  

 

Being in an affair has been shown to stimulate the same brain chemicals as taking cocaine.  Add to all of this that they’re done in secret and this just creates more of a thrill   

 

Why am I sharing all this?  

 

I believe it can help someone.  

 

The more we know about something the better we can navigate our way through it.   

 

The trouble with infidelity is like sex, drinking, drugs etc.  we don’t want to talk about it because the subject matter is so heavy.  

 

Or we look at it with such judgment and disdain that we’re not open enough to understand it

 

Because anyone can do anything if they’re put in just the right circumstances.  I think it’s arrogant to think differently. 

 

I’ve seen both sides of the equation: cheating or being cheated on both have severe consequences.

 

This is why I’m sharing this….

 

I love sharing what is healthy and will make life better.

 

I can assure you that infidelity is not healthy but its rampant in our society.

 

There is so much to share on this topic like…

Why does this happen?

What to do to keep yourself and your loved ones away from it.

What to do if you are in an affair right now.

Why to stay away from committing infidelity (even if you are a single person)

What to do if you have been betrayed? (Should you stay or go and how to heal if you do either)

Lastly, What do you do about your relationship if you are entertaining infidelity?

 

If you or someone you know is...

having or considering having an affair

or

has been hurt by infidelity and need some help 

or

if you are in an affair and want some help please reach out to me.

 

I know this isn’t an easy topic but there are answers and you can be free of it all.