“My coach told me I need to be more confident, but I don’t want to be an a-hole.”

 

That was a conversation I had with a young person, and I thought it might be helpful to explore this and share it with you.

 

Because I think the world would be a better place with more confident people and fewer a-holes.

 

And now I think I’ve said a-hole enough times to refer to it as being arrogant, or cocky.

 

Confidence is important, for sure. Without it, we don’t bring our full selves forward. We play small, and that doesn’t serve anyone.

 

That’s why my young friend’s coach wanted him to be more confident. He knew he had a greater level of play in him, and he wanted him to unleash it.

 

The young man was afraid of doing that because he didn’t know how to be confident without becoming arrogant.

 

So we discussed it, and I shared with him that the difference between arrogance and confidence is the place they come from.

 

The difference between confidence and arrogance:

 

True confidence comes from something deep inside. It’s our authenticity, and some might say it’s our connection to God.  I've even heard it refered to as 'godfidence".

 

Arrogance, on the other hand, comes from a deep insecurity. It’s a disconnection from that deeper place within us.

 

Confidence can benefit the person who has it, but it also benefits the people around them and the greater good. (win-win)

 

Arrogance primarily benefits the person who has it, and often at the expense of others. It’s not usually used for the greater good. (win-lose or lose-lose)

 

There’s another part of this that I shared with this young player.

 

Playing small isn't noble:

 

Simply deciding not to play to your greatest level or stick your neck out isn’t necessarily noble.

 

Playing small and holding back isn't kind to self or others.

 

I suspect the people who read this blog are probably the ones who could use a little more confidence themselves.

 

And those are the people I love to help because they have good hearts and will pay it forward but usually need some help.

 

So let me speak to that.

 

Why should you be confident?

 

Well, becoming more confident means stepping into areas of discomfort.

 

It takes a risk, for sure.

 

But that risk will bring out dormant forces inside you like lifting heavier weights.

 

It can make you grow, reach out to people you never reached out to before, and express things you might never have expressed.

 

And this risk will make you feel alive in a good way.

 

The really cool thing about this, and why it serves the greater good, is that it inspires the people around you.

 

It gives them an example.

 

An example of what?

 

Of someone who has come truly alive.

 

Of someone who is growing.

 

And that’s a really good thing because so many people play small in their lives. They stay under the radar, avoid taking risks, and never discover what they’re capable of.

 

They can end up living dull, unfulfilling lives. And that emptiness leads to addiction, dissatisfaction, and getting into trouble that doesn’t really serve them or anyone.

 

But when you and I step into our confidence, we’re not telling people how great we are.

 

We’re giving them an example of greatness.

 

And that greatness isn’t just in you and me. It’s in everyone.

 

And we’re not supposed to hide it.

 

Jesus said not to hide your light under a bushel, but to let it shine.

 

I think that’s a beautiful reminder that what we have inside us isn’t just for ourselves. It’s also meant to be shared with others.

 

If you have something inside you, bring it out and share it, because we all need it.

 

This is also why I love coaching.

 

I love helping people bring out the confidence that’s already inside them, especially people who want to be kind and make a positive difference in the world.

 

Sometimes, those very people hold themselves back because they don’t want to appear arrogant or hurt anyone’s feelings.

 

But we don't need to choose between being confident or a good. We can be both.

 

So I challenged my young friend to go out there and be confident, and play full out.

 

I explained to him that anything less would leave part of his potential on the sidelines.

 

So no, don’t be an a-hole.

 

Oops, there I go again. I mean, don’t be arrogant.

 

Be confident. Be courageous. Be who God made you to be.

 

We need your example.

 

If you feel there’s more inside you but you’re having trouble bringing it out, I’d love to help you explore that through coaching. You can learn more at bertastacio.com.

 

Much love,

Bert